OMGabe

by Gabe Berman – the author of Live Like a Fruit Fly

Archive for the tag “puppies”

Paralyze The Mother Fucker

“Hey, your dog is looking pretty tired,” I said loud enough for this guy to hear through his headphones.

He was riding a bike on the boardwalk and his leashed dog was doing his best to keep up.

Looking down at the dog he yelled back to me, “He’s fine. He can go twenty miles without breaking a sweat.”

That may be true, but the dog might have been on his last legs.

Might have been.

I wasn’t exactly sure.

And that’s the only reason I didn’t deliver karma.

My first thought, really, was to rip him from the bike like a samurai would dismount an opponent from a horse. Then, chain him to my car and drag him around town for a few miles.

But I know me. And by the time I found a chain and figured out how to actually chain it to my bumper, I would have forgiven him.

So, I quickly replaced that idea with a more immediate one: ripping him from the bike, samurai style, and breaking his spine over my knee. Really.

Wait.

Just wait.

Gabe, didn’t you just put out a book called Love Looks Like This? Don’t you always say that we’re all connected?

Yes and yes.

This is love. Tough love. Very tough love.

And, yes, we are in fact all connected. This world, this universe, is one giant organism. And sometimes I’m a brutal white blood cell. Removing cancers from our body. Taking names.

Someone has to stand up for that dog.

If not me, who?

Right, there’s you. Thank God for you. Really.

justice is ours,
gb

Love Looks Like This

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For Dog Lovers Only

A very old lady, as cute as a kitten, was on a collision course with me on the boardwalk today.

She was walking a silver miniature schnauzer who looked exactly as if someone forgot to add the fabric softener. Clean but messy = perfect.

Excitedly I asked, “Is that a miniature schnauzer? They’re my favorite dogs ever!”

She said, “Yep! They’re my favorite too.”

When I bent down to look the little guy in his eyes and rub his head, she added, “This is Rudy. He’s fifteen.”

I stood up and Rudy pranced onward.

“Fifteen! Look at the pep in his step. He’s like a newborn puppy,” I told her.

She shielded her mouth with the backside of her hand and with a universe of life and light in her expression she whispered, “He doesn’t know he’s old.”

buy my goddamn books here:
www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

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