OMGabe

by Gabe Berman – the author of Live Like a Fruit Fly

Archive for the tag “comedy”

The Best Medicine (Maybe)

I went to sleep smiling last night for the first time in a long time.

Trying to make some sense of the day and of the world, I usually watch Eckhart Tolle talks on YouTube or videos about the quantum nature of the universe before going to bed. And that was my exact intention last night but you know how it can be with YouTube – a serendipitous “wrong” click can bring you to the unexpected right place.

I somehow found myself watching Louie C.K., Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld and Ricky Gervais having a semi serious sit-down about comedy.

I didn’t uncover any answers to the Big Questions which are always ricocheting around in my head, but at least I wasn’t sad. In fact, I was pretty happy.

But maybe that is the answer.

Maybe, when you break it down, our search for enlightenment is actually a more adult way of admitting that what we’re just trying to somehow regain the smiles of our childhood.

We strive for inner peace so we can help work on world peace but maybe the truth is – we simply and purely just miss being happy more than we’re sad. Or worried. Or stressed.

If this is the case, it seems like I skipped over the steps by watching those comedic virtuosos last night. Why watch videos of Buddha level gurus when you’re really just trying to lightheartedly laugh your ass off? Just find something that leads to lightheartedly laughing your ass off and voila, you’re good to go.

But, unfortunately, this isn’t the case. Not really. Because laughter, although lovely, doesn’t last.

YouTube is just another drug. And like weed or whisky, you can’t partake in it all day.

Life always sneaks back in. And although the particle theorists and ancient sages might be right when then say that everything is an illusion, we still have to live in it.

That’s why we strive for enlightenment. Because we want to maintain a light heart after the YouTube clip ends. We want to smile through whatever life throws at us. We want “happy” to be our natural state. Of course there’s a lot in life that will rattle us, but we’d like to return to happiness after the slings and arrows have settled.

How do we get there?

Together.

Together through kindness. Together through less expectation – of ourselves and each other.

And yes, together through laughter.

thank you for spending this time with me,
gabe

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

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A LETTER TO THE GRAY HAIR NEAR MY NIPPLE

Dear Gray Hair Near My Nipple,

Dude, what the fuck is your problem?

I didn’t even see you yesterday and this morning, you almost poked my goddamn eye out while I was brushing my teeth.

Okay.

I get it.

You win.

I’m getting older.

Just stop already. Please.

And, FYI, I just approached an Orthodox Jewish kid in Starbucks and said, “Does everyone tell you a million times a day that you look exactly like Adrien Grenier from Entourage?”

To which he said, “Who’s Adrien Grenier and what’s Entourage?”

Silly wabbit, Trix are for kids.

love/thanks,
gabe

“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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Stop Peeing On Toilet Seats!

C’mon man, how hard is it to use your foot to kick up the goddamn toilet seat? What does it take to do the right thing, a whole second?

And women, I don’t know what the hell you’re doing while in the ladies’ room, but whatever it is, it’s fucking gross. I’ve been in your bathrooms and I have to ask, how did pee get on your seats? Even if you’re squatting, how bad is your aim? Just center yourself for Christ’s sake and then let it flow like the Mississippi. Wait, is that a pee-puddle in the corner? And what’s that smeared on the wall?

I’ve been around the block a few times, but maybe there’s something about your anatomy I’ve yet to understand. If so, keep it to yourself. I’m too skeeved at this point to want to know.

Why have I been in your bathrooms? Do you think I’m really going to wait for that homeless guy to get out of the men’s room at Starbucks? He’s been in there for like, an hour already, and the lady’s room is perfectly vacant. Oh, and by the way, I live for the dirty looks the old, stuck-up women give me when I leave “their” bathroom. Keep ’em coming.

At least I didn’t pee on your seats. And yes, I put the seat back down when I’m done doing my thing. I even wipe the sink with a paper towel when I finish washing my hands. Furthermore, believe it or not, I actually make use of the garbage can instead of thoughtlessly tossing the soiled paper towel on the floor like a rich kid at a country club. I’m sorry folks, but in this case, “close enough” just doesn’t cut it.

Why do I bother with all of this if no one else seems to care?

Before I answer, allow me first to run this scenario by you:

Have you ever been to, let’s say a Mexican restaurant. The dinner is going fine, you’re cramming nachos down your throat like you’re trying to medal in it, and two tequilas and a burrito later, Mother Nature takes over. You feel a revolution brewing in your belly and you’re forced to tighten all muscles in your nether regions in efforts of avoiding an accident at the table.

What happens next?

You make a mad dash for the lavatory like you need to flush the coke before the Feds find it like Karen in Goodfellas.

Your bowels have reached critical mass. You can almost feel it in your throat. But alas, some heartless heathen has peed all over the toilet seat.

Looking up into the heavens, you scream, “God, why have you forsaken me?”

I’ve been there, more than once, and that’s why I’m like the Tidy Bowl Man in public restrooms. If I can prevent suffering of another, why wouldn’t I?

It’s like what Hillel said hundreds of years ago, “If not me, than who?”

No pun intended, but while peeing, just like with everything else in life, the Golden Rule applies. Treat others as you’d like to be treated.

Imagine if people polluted the planet to the point of weather patterns changing? Imagine if corporate greed destroyed families with illness and poverty just so a few selfish fat cats can get fatter? Imagine if a genocide was allowed to happen? Imagine if poverty isn’t prevented? Imagine if over-population isn’t dealt with? Imagine the results of racism, sexism and homophobia?

Imagine a world where, for the most part, people act as if we’re not all connected and only look out for themselves?

Where will we end up?

Exactly where we are – at the brink of extinction.

However, we don’t have to go the way of the dodo bird or dinosaur. We can save our species by simply loving our neighbor as we love ourselves.

If you knew in advance that you were going to be the next person to use the restroom, would you pee on the toilet seat now?

Of course not. You’d use your foot to kick the seat up.

The truth is, you are the next person.

We’re all connected.

And this isn’t just some spiritual crap you’d read in a new age book. It’s scientific fact.

You don’t believe me? As my dad would say, look it up.

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Read a free sample of my new book: Where Is God When Our Loved Ones Get Sick? The Question That Haunts Us And The Answer That Helps Us Heal

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