OMGabe

by Gabe Berman – the author of Live Like a Fruit Fly

Archive for the category “network marketing”

You’re Awesome (no really, you are)

My friend’s wife texted me this afternoon about a dream she had about me.

We were swimming together, and then she woke up.

Why is my friend’s wife dreaming about me?

That’s the first question you ask?

Is it that unbelievable?

How come you never bothered to ask why more of my friend’s wives aren’t dreaming about me?

Anyway, as I was saying, my friend’s wife texted me this afternoon about a dream she had about me (she obviously needs to be medicated, severely, or a priest must be brought in for an exorcism).

Using every last bit of willpower I had stored up in my bone marrow to resist making sexual innuendos, I asked her about how’s she been.

She answered, and I quote, “I’m amazing! Everything is great here.”

We volleyed a few more messages back and forth and then, like a pissed off bull in Pamplona, it rammed me right in the solar plexus.

I’ve never, ever, been able to say things are amazing for me.

I mean, I can surely type those words, and I guess I could push those words passed my lips, but it would be a lie.

Cosmically, I know, down to the depths of my DNA, that everything is unfolding exactly as it must.

But if I allow myself, just for a moment, to be a normal, disconnected guy, sitting here in Starbucks as I type this to you, I’d have to admit that I’d like to feel what amazing feels like for a change.

Of course I’m so grateful for the micro and the macro, the alpha and the omega, and the yin and the yang, but amazing?

It doesn’t take a genius or guru to know that amazing is lightyears better than not amazing.

So, what can I do about this?

Well, what does amazing entail?

According to the dictionary, the definition of amazing is: causing great surprise or wonder.

I call bullshit.

We all know when my friend’s wife said, “Amazing!” she sure as hell didn’t mean: causing great surprise (unless she was talking about finding me in her dreams – but then again, the word she probably would have used is “gross”).

She obviously meant amazing, as in awesome.

The question now becomes: is it possible to pull myself off of the bull’s horns, seal the wounds, and then set a course for amazing?

Yes.

In one move.

All I must do is redefine amazing.

I’m redefining it to mean: awesome and/or the potential for awesomeness.

Do I have the potential for awesomeness?

My God yes.

As do you.

I promise you, you do.

How can you check for yourself?

There’s a very simple test: put your hand over your heart. If you can feel something beating, you’ve got the potential.

From now on, instead of my standard okay when someone asks me how I’m doing, I’m going to say amazing.

Because I’m alive and full of divine potential.

And so are you.

Welcome to the world of the infallible, self-fulfilling prophecy.


“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read
.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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Time Travel Sucks

I almost hit a woman with my car today.

Intentionally.

I pulled into the post office and some woman was standing in the only available spot, talking to another woman parked in the adjacent spot.

I didn’t want to be rude with a typical hitting of the horn, so I just idled there, motionless, with a body length between us.

You’d think the grumbling hole in the muffler would have awakened her to my dangerously close, four thousand pound SVU, but, alas, she didn’t bat a fucking eyelash.

What to do, what to do?

A friendly neighborhood tappity-tap honk?

Rev the engine?

Pin her to the side of the building with my bumper?

Since the post office was closing in five minutes and twenty-three seconds and I really needed to mail something to Los Angeles, I decided to just sit there and wait it out like a passive aggressive asshole.

Miss princess finally figured out that she was on the losing end of a physics equation, so she finally got out of the way.

She offered the I’m sorry wave and once again apologized once we were both inside.

“I went to high school with that woman and now our kids go to high school together.”

To be friendly, I asked her what school.

East Rockaway High School.

I went to the nearby Lynbrook High and I’m not sure why I did, but I heard myself offering her this information.

“Do your kids go there now,” she asked.

My kids?

I almost turned around like Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver to see if there was someone standing behind me.

How could she be taking to me?

My kids? I’m just a kid myself.

Wait, what’s that you say?

I’m forty-one?

Really?

No.

No way.

Shit. You’re right.

How in God’s name could this have happened?

Lets review…I remember jumping into the fountain at my college graduation, I blinked a few times, and here I am, innocently in line at the post office.

Twenty years.

Poof.

While everyone else was buying houses, losing their hair and having kids, I was…

Well..

I really don’t know what I was doing.

Surviving I guess.

Statistics say that I must have experienced some joy in between, but it definitely wasn’t enough.

I don’t feel, in the moment, that it was enough.

But that’s the price I paid for rocking Status Quo’s cruise ship.

Would I do it again if presented with the same set of choices?

Of course.

Because I’d be blind to other alternatives.

It’s carve my own path, or perish.

Does this path lead to joy?

I sure as hell hope so.

Regardless, I’ll keep on bringing it to others so I know this long, strange trip hasn’t been in vain.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

 

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And The Killer Is…

Dhani Harrison said his father, George, rarely gave him advice.

“The only two things he felt I had to do in my life were be happy and meditate,” he once told Rolling Stone.

I quoted this to a friend of mine the other day because she was feeling uninspired and directionless.

I then said, “You’re healthy, your family is healthy, you have have money in the bank, why don’t you just allow yourself to sit there in Starbucks and chill.”

She knew this. Of course she knew this.

But she got caught up in comparison. She felt discouraged with just “being” while watching all of the busy people “doing”. They were rushing around, coming and going, typing with intention on their laptops, and seemingly, living lives with some sort of purpose.

And I’m sure she looked through Facebook with all of those pictures of perfect, happy people with their perfect, healthy meals and thought, “Jesus man! What the hell am I doing with myself?”

It’s not her fault to feel this way. And it’s not yours if you feel this way as well.

I know I sure do at times.

Our society is built on comparison. It fuels the machine. 

But comparison, when you’re trying to live a gentle, spiritual life, is the killer.

Do you hear that?

Comparison is the killer.

And what are we really comparing ourselves too? Usually, mere illusions.

A few weeks ago, I typed to an old friend on Facebook, “I’m so happy that you and your wife look so happy. And your kids are so cute. Good for you man, you deserve it.”

A few hours later he responded with, “Thanks so much. But do you really think we’re going to post pictures of us fighting?”

It’s all an illusion. Just a very convincing illusion.

If you must compare yourself to others, skip over the rats in the race. Look for the people who are simply sitting there. Sitting there with a slight smile and breathing just to breathe.

There’s a good chance these people aren’t always happy, because, as you know – life sometimes has a sick sense of humor. But they’ve obviously learned to enjoy the times when there’s nothing better to do than just enjoy the time.

The clock continues to click regardless.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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Let’s Stop Sucking

Mark my words – the people who incessantly whine about this snowy winter, are the same people who will say in a couple of months, “It’s such a humid, gross summer.”

And when you fantasize about winning the hundred million dollar Powerball jackpot, they’re always the ones to say, “Do you know how much they’ll take in taxes?”

However, I shouldn’t cast too many stones because I’m not entirely innocent. From time to time, I witness a few complaints escaping from my own lips as well.

Are we ever content with anything?

I’m on the verge of giving sermons on mounts about weight loss coffee (because it works for everyone I share it with), but I’m also convinced we need to go on a collective diet.

Forget about carbs or hydrogenated fats for a moment. What we need to do, is to keep ourselves from ingesting negativity.

Because you are what you eat and we need to substitute those empty calories with nutrient dense gratitude.

Let’s take a 24-hour challenge. For the next day, let’s replace any complaint in our head with a simple, “thank you.”

It’s called Active Appreciation and I swear it will change your life.

I swear it will.

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.”
– Meister Eckhart

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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Oh Shit, What Have I Started?


“I just ordered the weight loss coffee from your website. It better work.”

That’s a message I recently received from a woman on Facebook. She ended it with a winky face, but I could tell she was being more serious than playful.

Instead of feeling excited, I automatically thought, “Oh shit, what have I started?”

This woman is in England and I’d rather not be leading people astray on two continents.

I’ve been a little nervous about this and have been keeping my fingers crossed every time I check my messages on Facebook, which I do, FYI, all day, everyday. Like a goddamn junkie.

But so far, the correspondence has been quite cordial.

I say stuff like, “You know we kicked the living shit out of you guys twice.”

She thought I was referring to the Olympics.

I said, “No, I mean once in 1776 and then again in 1812. I hope you’ve learned your lesson.”

To which she said, “The house I live in is older than your country.”

Touché Miss Moneypenny. Touché.

Her beautiful house, pictured below, was built in 1736.

Thankfully, I woke up this morning to a message from her which read, “Gabe I’ve lost weight, I can’t tell you how much because I don’t own any scales, neither have I weighed myself, but lets just say a few pounds!”

I think she said “pounds” for my benefit. Because, don’t they say kilos over there? Or stones or quid or pence or something like that? Silly Brits should learn their own language already.

Anyway, she’s only been drinking the weight loss coffee for about a week and she already feels and looks slimmer.

So now it’s officially official. I know I’m doing a good thing by spreading the word and I’m never going to question it again.

Back here in the States, my friend who lost six pounds in eleven days is now down nine pounds.

North America: check

Europe: check

Who’s next?

Click here to see what Dr. Oz said about it

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I Almost Got Into A Fight Today With A Madman

“Do you have a cell phone?” asked a man of a young couple today on the Long Beach boardwalk.

He was at least 6′ 3″, in his mid forties, had white bandages on two fingers and asked this couple for their cell phone in a very aggressive tone.

They ignored him so he turned to me because I was the next closest person walking by.

He looked similar to those guys you see getting arrested on Cops who are jacked up on angel dust. Layers of disconnected rage, through and through.

From about four feet way, he asked me with a stern voice, “Do you have a cell phone?”

There was evil in his eyes.

I stopped and stared back, silently. He stopped advancing.

Turning up the pressure he said, “I know you have a cell phone.”

“I do,” I calmly relied.

“Can I use it?” he asked assertively.

“I don’t think so,” I answered.

Pointing at me, he yelled, “Well, FUCK YOU!”

I took a conscious breath and asked, “You sure about that?”

He understood quite clearly that I was inviting him to take it up a notch, if he dared.

He dared.

99% of the time, this is where most “men” fold their cards – regardless of how they were initially posturing with me. But this guy was fearless and full of rage.

He put his head down and stepped towards me like a bull.

I stepped my right foot back and positioned myself in case I had to get medieval on him.

I loudly said, “Don’t even fucking think about it.”

Which, thankfully, made him think about it. He ceased moving forward.

I started waking backwards, away from him.

I said, “You know what man, I’m going to use my cell phone to call 911.”

Which I did.

The police told me they were already on their way due to previous calls from other good citizens.

He quickly hightailed it off in the opposite direction.

After incidents like this, and there’s been more than a few, I’d call my dad.

He’d always say something like, “Wow. I’m glad you’re okay.”

And I’d always answer with something like, “C’mon, you know if something really happened, I’d be the one left standing.”

To which he would always say, “Just make sure you don’t go back the same way. And stay aware.”

Moments before this all went down by the way, I was feeling so grateful for the melting snow and the fifty degree weather. I was actually feeling so grateful, to be honest, just to be me.

And now I sit here typing to you (yes you, the person reading these words now) and I’m so grateful my dad taught me when to stand my ground, when to leave and most of all, when to be aware.

When?

Always.

Because the universe can be very subtle in its beauty and very direct with its sudden surprises – and you don’t want to miss either.

Today would have been my parent’s 45th anniversary. It’s the first one my mom is alone for.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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Down 6 Pounds in 11 Days

My friend lost six pounds in eleven days – just by drinking weight loss coffee.

Six pounds. Eleven days. Didn’t change his diet. Didn’t hit the gym like Arnold.

Totally crazy.

Two weeks ago I told his wife, who’s also my friend, about the breadcrumbs leading to this, and she, very skeptically, ordered coffee to support me.

Today she texted me, “Get this – My husband weighed himself this morning… He lost 6 freakin lbs!!!”

I’ve heard many stories like this, but until today, they were just stories I wanted to believe.

Thankfully, my belief has graduated to knowledge.

I’m so grateful I forced myself to take the leap of faith when I did.

And, an FYI to all of the people in Indiana – this friend of mine has joined forces with me and if you know it or not, you’ll all be buying weight loss coffee from her in the near future.

Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”
– Saint Augustine

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

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iLiveLikeAFruitFly

Steve Jobs: Secrets of Life in 1 minute and 42 seconds:
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www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

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My Dad Killed My Math Teacher

The last words to come from my math teacher’s lips were, “Gabe is a really good kid.”

It was open school night and I was in the sixth grade.

I was home, watching TV with my sister, and all of the parents in the neighborhood were walking from classroom to classroom.

My dad introduced himself to my math teacher. They shook hands.

Immediately after saying, “Gabe is a really good kid,” my math teacher dropped to the floor like Sonny Liston.

He died right there at my dad’s feet. Massive heart attack.

Hopefully, they’re up there now, laughing about it.

But probably not.

In all likelihood, they see each other from time to time in Heaven’s Cafeteria. It’s a 24-hour joint. They politely nod, but that’s about it.

My math teacher sits at a table with his family and my dad sits with ours.

Jimi Hendrix is hanging with Jesus at an adjacent table.

Jesus gets hit with a spitball and says, “Hey, what the…?”

My dad keeps his classic straight face and avoids making contact with the big guy.

Jesus silently forgives him.

And so have I, for every time he got mad at me, my mom, or my sister for apparently no justified reason.

I now know he was doing the best he could at the time.

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

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The Buddha Begged For…

The Buddha, and his disciples, begged for food.

Old men with old robes on their backs, shuffled into town with their wooden bowls and begged for food to keep starvation at bay.

Why did these spiritual masters need to do this?

The answer can be found in an ancient zen poem, “Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.”

Nirvana is nourishment for the soul, not for the stomach.

My books have helped many people, and I am so grateful to be a part of that.

But as of today, the ratio of books being sold to food on my table is not in proper balance.

In addition, the mere act of writing of my book Where Is God When Our Loved Ones Get Sick?, has brought me even closer to being completely “awake” after twenty-five years of searching and striving.

But I’ll still need to chop wood and carry water. And I prefer not to end up as a destitute, old man.

I promised my soul that I will never ever go back to the soulless prison of the corporate world, so I recently asked the universe to show me another way. Within due time, a completely unexpected path was revealed through a string of “coincidences”.

I followed my gut, set off on this new path and it’s already working out.

Extraordinarily.

Maybe it will work for you as well. Take a look here.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost

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