OMGabe

by Gabe Berman – the author of Live Like a Fruit Fly

Archive for the category “jesus”

What The Fuck Is Everyone Freaking About?

What’s the big shock over recent news?

The United States of America was born in the butchering of Native American Indians.

The United States of America profited on the whipped, bloody backs of millions of enslaved Africans.

And 61,900,651 voted for Donald Trump.

The only people we should be pointing fingers at, are ourselves.

As my dad used to say, “We have met the enemy, and it is us.”

– gb

www.WinTheWarWithYourMind.com

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Fuck Matt Damon

You know what, fuck us.

Just, fuck us.

Fuck our whole goddamn species.

I saw The Martian the other night and these were my exact thoughts as the closing credits hit the screen.

Fuck.

Us.

In case you’re not up on the movies, The Martian is a new one starring Matt Damon.

He plays an astronaut who’s left for dead on Mars by his crew. But get this ladies and germs, he’s totally alive. And they totally go back to save him while all of Earth’s inhabitants sit on pins and needles.

It was awesome.

Such an awesome movie.

So awesome that I clapped as soon as it was over.

Nevertheless, fuck us.

It’s so pathetically human to risk everything, without sparing an expense, to save just one person.

As we should.

But what’s so pathetic of us is that within just two klicks of everyone reading this, there’s definitely a kid who went to bed hungry or some old person who’s totally been forgotten about.

And I certainty don’t see any sympathetic mother fuckers forming candlelight vigils in the middle of Times Square for these poor folks as they did for Matt Damon.

C’mon Gabe, it’s just a movie.

No, it’s not just a movie.

It’s our reality and you know it.

But no one’s life is worth more than anyone else’s.

Our species is totally fucking doomed until those nine words become our collective religion:

NO ONE’S LIFE IS WORTH MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE’S

And not to freak anyone out, but I’ll let you in on a metaphysical little secret: there’s truly only one life. And it’s flowing through all of us.

Right now.

In this exact moment.

Life, this perfect, unified, inevitable, ineffable force, is flowing through you and I, through the rich and the famous, the sick and the poor, the birds, the bees, and of course the trees.

And what should we be doing with this one life of ours?

Caring for it. All of it. Because, we are it.

thank you for trading your time for these words – it means the world to me,
gb

buy my goddamn book here: www.livelikeafruitfly.com

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Nirvana Is In The Nostrils

“When I first started working, they called me The Kid,” said a man in his early sixties in the barbershop today.

I was getting scissor snipped, and this guy, The Kid, was talking to the owner of the place while waiting for his turn in the chair.

He continued, “They all use to say, ‘Look out for The Kid!'”

“And now, I almost can’t believe it, they call me Grandpa. Or they call me the old man. ‘Hey Old Man, how’s it going buddy?'”

In the mirror, I saw him smiling between words.

Thankfully.

Because that smile, like an aspirin of last resort, halted my heart from crumbling as I listened to him while watching a mixture of gray and black hairs fall from my head.

Tic

Toc

Tic

Toc

Tic toc.

Tic toc tic toc

Tictoc Tictoc Tictoc

tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-tictoc-BAM!

Thirty years passed before this guy’s eyes just like that.

And it’s happening to all of us.

But not in this instant.

Because it’s happening when we’re not in this instant.

When we’re somewhere else in our minds.

Focused on the illusion of the past or a figment of a future, our life hits the accelerator and it approaches light speed.

We’re hurled through space and time and BAM, we’re siting in a barbershop, taking about diabetes and hip replacements.

Is there a way to slow it down?

Can we cling more to this moment?

Yes, of course.

But it’s going to take an inner revolution.

A crusade.

An adoption of a concept, so rare, that it runs counter to the constant bombardments of society’s accepted normalcy.

Are you ready to receive the coveted secret of all enlightened masters?

Well, ready or not, here it comes: Worry Less.

Worry less.

Can it be that simple?

Yes.

Simple, but certainly not easy.

Because we’ve by conditioned by the fear based, powers-that-be, to worry incessantly.

We’re so conditioned to worry that it has become as normal as breathing.

But imagine living a life where you can just breathe without it being attached at the hip of soul-stunting worry?

And that, right there, is the answer.

It’s the answer to the question: but how do we become freedom fighters in this revolution against worry?

We breathe just to breathe.

We convert from the blind religion of worry, to the grace of conscious breathing.

We make our entire existence into a meditation.

Because with or without your worries, life is unfolding as it will.

And before you scream at me, yes, I know, there’s plenty to worry about. And trust me, I worry with the best of them at times, but eventually I remember – nirvana is in the nostrils.

So listen up, please, I can go on and on about this, but talking too much about slowing down the clock will invariably speed it up.

You’re just going to have to trust me.

Witness yourself breathing.

Make it the most important part of your life.

Move worry to the back burner.

Allow this intelligent universe of ours to actually be intelligent.

Your next breath, and the one after that, and the one after that, can stretch this instant out into eternity.

I promise.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

 

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Vengeance Isn’t Mine (this time)

“I’m Catholic And I Vote!”

Aside from Bush/Cheney and Romney/Ryan, this is officially the dumbest bumper sticker I’ve ever seen.

So, you’re Catholic and you vote. I’m Jewish and a little bloated right now, but you don’t see me broadcasting that on my car, do you?

What message are you trying to get across to us? Your good Catholic values are guiding your ballots?

Wonderful.

But let me ask you this, asshole, what about the dog you leave out in your backyard in nineteen degree weather? What’s that equate to, only thirteen degrees below freezing?

I drive by your house often. At different times. And I always see your dog out there.

You’re a good Catholic? I think not.

FACT: if you feel the need to let the world know about your religion, especially with a bumper sticker, you’re covering something up.

Since I’m not known for turning the other cheek, I’d like to put your poor dog out of its misery. But now that I think about it, I’d rather put you out of your misery.

How dare you treat one of God’s creatures like that?

Nevertheless, I’ll do no such thing.

I’ll just humbly ask the universe for both of your best case scenarios.

And then it will all unfold as it must.

“How many observe Christ’s birthday! How few, His precepts!” – Benjamin Franklin

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

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Can You Handle The Truth?

Was Karl Marx right?

Is religion the opiate for the masses?

Hallucinogenic is probably more correct.

In my completely non-humble opinion, religion warps the truth about God.

It’s like a bad LSD trip.

What’s the truth about God?

We can’t even answer this because the question itself is faulty.

It’s like asking – what’s the truth about truth? Or, what’s the God about truth? Or, of course, what’s the God about God?

Head explode yet?

Don’t sweat it. I can barely keep up and I’m the one writing this (kind of).

What’s the truth about God?

God is truth. Truth is God.

So you see, as crazy as it sounds, atheists believe in God more than many religious people.

Because they believe in truth.

Many religious people believe they’re the sole keepers of truth. But how can their truth be more true than the truth of others?

It can’t.

That, as Spock would say, is illogical.

Religions are stories based on truth.

And stories are just stories. Regardless of how old and ornate the churches and temples are.

So, what is the truth? What would be the one rule of God if she/he/it revealed the one, holy commandment?

Before we get to that, let me tell where this is all bubbling up from.

A friend of mine is a catastrophic loss insurance adjuster and told me the other day that a very religious man didn’t allow him into his house on a Saturday after Hurricane Sandy.

This is warped thinking. A bad trip.

If it wasn’t for the hallucinogenic of religion, any truth seeking person would ask, “How come it’s okay for God to destroy my house but not okay for him to send over one of his angels on the Sabbath to help fix it?”

God didn’t destroy the house? You mean to tell me that God is separate from the weather?

It doesn’t take deep inquiry for the illusion to fade into mere mist.

Which brings us back to the one, holy commandment:

Love.

Love yourself, and others, unconditionally.

Love without condition, expectation, or exception.

Unconditional love for ourselves and others is like the needle in Mia’s heart in Pulp Fiction. It awakens all.

And if our old stories teach us anything other than unconditional love, it’s time to let them go.

Truth/God/Love is our savior.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

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iLiveLikeAFruitFly

Steve Jobs: Secrets of Life in 1 minute and 42 seconds:
CLICK ME

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

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My Dad Killed My Math Teacher

The last words to come from my math teacher’s lips were, “Gabe is a really good kid.”

It was open school night and I was in the sixth grade.

I was home, watching TV with my sister, and all of the parents in the neighborhood were walking from classroom to classroom.

My dad introduced himself to my math teacher. They shook hands.

Immediately after saying, “Gabe is a really good kid,” my math teacher dropped to the floor like Sonny Liston.

He died right there at my dad’s feet. Massive heart attack.

Hopefully, they’re up there now, laughing about it.

But probably not.

In all likelihood, they see each other from time to time in Heaven’s Cafeteria. It’s a 24-hour joint. They politely nod, but that’s about it.

My math teacher sits at a table with his family and my dad sits with ours.

Jimi Hendrix is hanging with Jesus at an adjacent table.

Jesus gets hit with a spitball and says, “Hey, what the…?”

My dad keeps his classic straight face and avoids making contact with the big guy.

Jesus silently forgives him.

And so have I, for every time he got mad at me, my mom, or my sister for apparently no justified reason.

I now know he was doing the best he could at the time.

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

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Raise Children As Christians?

Two older women at the table next to me at Starbucks were talking about wallpaper. Or maybe it was about gift-wrapping paper. I was only idly listening.

That is, until one of them closed the wallpaper (gift-wrapping?) catalog and said, “And that’s why I believe it’s so important to raise children as Christians.”

I was tempted to ask, “But which Christianity? The Republican version based on the false gods of Guns & Greed? Or the unconditionally loving and forgiving versions of Dr. Martin Luther King and Jesus Christ himself?”

Although, of course, Jesus wasn’t a Christian in the religious sense of the word. Nor was he white. Nor would he be a racist. Or homophobic. Or against healthcare for all. Or for the fetishizing over assault rifles. Or for lining the pockets of the rich at the expense of the middle class.

“If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.” – said by a very dark skinned Jew over two thousand years ago

“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

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