OMGabe

by Gabe Berman – the author of Live Like a Fruit Fly

Archive for the category “depression”

What’s Your Blood Type?

“We’re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.”

– Charles Bukowski

Today is my dad’s birthday. I miss him. Right down to the bone marrow, I miss him.

And sometimes I don’t even want to live anymore either.

But not because I miss him so much. That would just be weak.

Rather because, the lifeblood flowing through our society’s veins is commerce when it should be kindness. And sometimes that heaviness is just too much for me to bear.

Especially since we all share the same destiny.

But here I shall stay because, well, there’s much work to be done.

And by “work” I mean: sensing beauty when I can and more importantly, adding beauty when I can.

Maybe you will consider the same.

love/thanks,
– gb

win the war with your mind

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Vesuvius

I am charged today with the task of adding a bit of beauty to our world.

Who appointed me with this mission?

Me.

And now that I have, I wish I actually had something beautiful to say.

I wish I could write a sentence out of thin air that drips with lusciousness or explodes violently like a volcano. A sentence someone would read and subsequently say to themselves, “Damn Jack, that was exquisite.”

But I can’t.

I got nothing.

However, as the universe would have, I’m now compelled to say this:

Earlier today I saw a Facebook post from a friend who said she was feeling alone. And attached to her words was an authentic, palpable, sullen vibe.

In response I said, “It’s awful to feel that way, but you’re not.”

How could she be alone when I’m taking a breath with her in that moment?

And, as for you dear reader, if you’re ever feeling alone, or sad, or anxious, or lost, or not enough, I hope you’re caused to remember to take breath with me.

A deep, rib expanding, blood pressure lowering, conscious breath.

Because, regardless of time and space, we are connected you and I. Whomever you may be.

Without exception. Without expectation.

You are not alone.

You are loved.

Regardless if you feel that way or not.

But I hope you do feel that way.

Sooner than later.

And with that, I’m here to assure you that you will.

Case closed.

love/thanks,
gabe

www.WinTheWarWithYourMind.com

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If You Really Want To Hear About It…

“What’s Holden doing right now?” I asked my mom.

A few months before her birthday, I overheard her say to someone that she wanted to reread the holiest of hollies, The Catcher In The Rye.

So, that’s the gift I gave her. Paperback, non kindle, with the original cover. Like a 60’s Corvette Stingray, a goddamn classic.

“He just got beat up in a hotel room,” my mom answered.

“Ahh, and now he’s pretending to have bullet wounds in the gut,” I said smiling.

After watching me flick through the book for a few seconds she said, “He’s a real sick kid that Holden Caulfield.”

“He’s not a sick kid,” I said defending him but actually defending myself. “He’s in a sick world.”

Raise high the roof beam,
gb

The Right Isn’t Right

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The Long Island Medium

Unequivocally, I received a message from my dad tonight.

Some people will chalk this up to coincidence or randomness and I have to tell you, I have as much concern about that as I do for the dreams of mosquitos.

I was going to meet a friend at the diner to have one of our late night chats about life but she had to cancel at the last minute because her friend was going into labor and didn’t want to be alone in the hospital.

So, I stretched out on the couch and switched on the TV.

I clicked around until I found thirty minutes left of Apocolypto.

And although I wasn’t in the mood for the violence and stress of it, I tossed the remote to the side and watched until the closing credits.

I did it for my dad.

He loved this movie so much.

It was his cinematic crack pipe – he couldn’t put it down once it was in front of him. Regardless if my mom rushed out of the room frustratedly saying, “Harold, how many times are you going to watch this?”

She hated the violence and stress of it.

And since I decided to keep it on for my dad, I secretly hoped in my heart for a serendipitous message to reveal itself because, between you and I, I was suffering from an unspecific uneasiness underneath my skin.

But I got jipped.

No wisdom. No insights. No nothing, aside from Mel Gibson’s shmucky name staining the screen.

But as destiny and/or fate would have it, the movie started over again and since Apocolypto is one of those flicks you’d normally only catch from the middle, I let it roll.

And then, within the first few minutes, a message from the heavens was revealed in the lines of dialogue between the village elder Flint Sky and his son Jaguar Paw.

– Flint Sky: Those people in the forest, what did you see on them?

– Jaguar Paw: I do not understand.

– Flint Sky: Fear. Deep rotting fear. They were infected by it. Did you see? Fear is a sickness. It will crawl into the soul of anyone who engages it. It has tainted your peace already. I did not raise you to see you live with fear. Strike it from your heart. Do not bring it into our village.

That was my dad talking to me. Right there.

I shut off the TV and here I am writing to you now, with a few tears in my eyes.

Fear, I’m going to conquer it.

I owe it to myself.

I owe to others.

I’m already almost there.

love/thanks and fearlessness,
gb

Love Looks Like This

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Me Too

  

pick up my lovely little books here:

www.livelikeafruitfly.com

For Dog Lovers Only

A very old lady, as cute as a kitten, was on a collision course with me on the boardwalk today.

She was walking a silver miniature schnauzer who looked exactly as if someone forgot to add the fabric softener. Clean but messy = perfect.

Excitedly I asked, “Is that a miniature schnauzer? They’re my favorite dogs ever!”

She said, “Yep! They’re my favorite too.”

When I bent down to look the little guy in his eyes and rub his head, she added, “This is Rudy. He’s fifteen.”

I stood up and Rudy pranced onward.

“Fifteen! Look at the pep in his step. He’s like a newborn puppy,” I told her.

She shielded her mouth with the backside of her hand and with a universe of life and light in her expression she whispered, “He doesn’t know he’s old.”

buy my goddamn books here:
www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

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The Master Is The Apprentice

“I’m feeling really anxious/shitty/scared. Can you tell me something good please?”

I received this text from a friend a few nights ago.

I instantly responded, “It’s an illusion. It’s mostly all an illusion. And the fraction that isn’t, truly loves you. So just sit there, do nothing, and receive.”

I was just riffing, thoughtlessly riffing. But that doesn’t make it any less true. In fact, probably more true. Light years more.

She courteously thanked me for taking the time to respond. And then thanked me wholeheartedly the next morning because she was breathing more easily. Feeling more free.

I’m not sharing this with you for plaudits, I’m sharing it just to share.

Because we teach what we need to learn. And/or, remember.

love/thanks,
gabe


If you haven’t read my book, it’s officially time to:

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

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Nothing Left To Let Go

I’m broken wide open.

Gloriously so.

All I am, right now, is an exposed heart.

Warm. Loving. Gentle. Full.

Unaffected by any anxiety.

It’s the way I get after seeing a truly lovely movie.

I wish I can feel this way forever.

Because I’ve felt enough of everything else.

Like the last bit of sun at the end of a summer’s day, I will sit in this for as long as I can.

I wonder if there’s anyone else in this moment who feels the same.

I hope so.

I really hope so.

with love and gratitude,
gabe

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

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