OMGabe

by Gabe Berman – the author of Live Like a Fruit Fly

Archive for the month “May, 2016”

Jesus Picks His Nose

God wanted me to cram two egg and cheese bagels down my gullet this morning.

How do I know the divine’s hand intervened in my breakfast?

Because I ordered one bagel with two eggs and cheese from Dunkin’ Donuts and they handed me two bagels with eggs and cheese instead.

So, of course, I ate them both.

I mean, who am I to get in The Lord’s way?

Or, maybe, it was a test. To see if I’d actually exercise willpower in this situation and abstain from the second engulfing.

But I don’t think so.

Although, there’s really no way to be sure.

Maybe we’re not actually choosing between our choices. And if that’s the case, it would be more accurate to say that “we’re” not actually choosing between “our” choices.

Because what mystics and masters have been saying for thousands of years is now being proven by quantum physics: there’s only one of us.

Everything is one.

The seemingly separateness of the universe is an elaborate illusion.

With that out of the way, I happen to be at a Dunkin’ because one phone call lead to another, which lead me (or “me”) to walking into an auto mechanic shop which lead me to another. And since my car is there now, here I sit and wait.

About an hour ago, I felt something dangling around in my left nostril so I tried to surreptitiously fish it out with a napkin.

I looked up to see if there were any witnesses but all I noticed was an adorable little Asian boy being held by his mommy. And he, perfectly so, was also picking his nose.

Thirty minutes later, a knockout blonde wearing workout clothes waltzed in.

As I was checking her out, a guy working being the counter was also giving her the ol’ up-and-down. And then, like it was happening in a movie, the guy behind the counter gave me a quick look as if to say, “Hey brother, it’s a damn good day, right?”

These events, seemingly so insignificant, mean everything to me.

Because nothing is insignificant in oneness.

Especially with you and I.

Regardless of “space” and “time”.

And that’s one to grow on,

gb

P.S. It’s now many hours later. After intense but rapid deliberation, I decided not to fix my car. Instead, I just hopped in a brand new one for a test spin. And I’m not sure what this means, but the song that came on as soon as I turned on the radio was R.E.M.’s “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It”

P.P.S Thank god for that second bagel because I’ve been at the dealership all damn day and haven’t had a bite to eat since.

P.P.P.S “And I feel fine.”

The loveliest little book you’ll ever own is to be bought here:
<a href=”http://www.amazon.com/Love-Looks-Like-This-Berman/dp/0692665382/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1459204514&sr=1-1&keywords=love+looks+like+this
“>Love Looks Like This

20160527-230011.jpg

Advertisements

The Long Island Medium

Unequivocally, I received a message from my dad tonight.

Some people will chalk this up to coincidence or randomness and I have to tell you, I have as much concern about that as I do for the dreams of mosquitos.

I was going to meet a friend at the diner to have one of our late night chats about life but she had to cancel at the last minute because her friend was going into labor and didn’t want to be alone in the hospital.

So, I stretched out on the couch and switched on the TV.

I clicked around until I found thirty minutes left of Apocolypto.

And although I wasn’t in the mood for the violence and stress of it, I tossed the remote to the side and watched until the closing credits.

I did it for my dad.

He loved this movie so much.

It was his cinematic crack pipe – he couldn’t put it down once it was in front of him. Regardless if my mom rushed out of the room frustratedly saying, “Harold, how many times are you going to watch this?”

She hated the violence and stress of it.

And since I decided to keep it on for my dad, I secretly hoped in my heart for a serendipitous message to reveal itself because, between you and I, I was suffering from an unspecific uneasiness underneath my skin.

But I got jipped.

No wisdom. No insights. No nothing, aside from Mel Gibson’s shmucky name staining the screen.

But as destiny and/or fate would have it, the movie started over again and since Apocolypto is one of those flicks you’d normally only catch from the middle, I let it roll.

And then, within the first few minutes, a message from the heavens was revealed in the lines of dialogue between the village elder Flint Sky and his son Jaguar Paw.

– Flint Sky: Those people in the forest, what did you see on them?

– Jaguar Paw: I do not understand.

– Flint Sky: Fear. Deep rotting fear. They were infected by it. Did you see? Fear is a sickness. It will crawl into the soul of anyone who engages it. It has tainted your peace already. I did not raise you to see you live with fear. Strike it from your heart. Do not bring it into our village.

That was my dad talking to me. Right there.

I shut off the TV and here I am writing to you now, with a few tears in my eyes.

Fear, I’m going to conquer it.

I owe it to myself.

I owe to others.

I’m already almost there.

love/thanks and fearlessness,
gb

Love Looks Like This

20160510-015343.jpg

If Not You, Then Who?

About an hour ago, I saw a young woman and a little girl, who I’m guessing was her daughter, pick trash out of a dumpster behind a shopping center as I was driving home from Mother’s Day dinner.

Holy fuck, were they scrounging for food?

I quickly scribbled a few mental notes at the red light: my mom’s first Mother’s Day in seventy years without a mother. One day, as sure as sugar cookies, I will be motherless as well. And a tie in with these two poor souls dumpster diving.

But then, like the ice bucket challenge, these thoughts crashed over me, “You’re just going to write about this?? Do something about it NOW!”

I pulled a u-ey across the double yellow line with the precision of a stunt driver and then screeched into the shopping center.

I had time, in the seven seconds it took me to make that maneuver, to debate over how I was going to ask them to take a twenty-spot from me. And I also had time to remember that the universe, in its magnificence, would choreograph the dialogue perfectly so I had nothing to worry about.

But as soon as I got to the dumpster, they were getting into their relatively not so ancient Toyota Camry.

Maybe they just threw something out accidentally earlier in the night.

Or maybe, well, who the hell knows what. As long as they weren’t looking for sustenance, I’m alright with whatever.

So, what’s the moral of this story?

There isn’t one.

But thankfully, regardless of how much I’m succeeding or not succeeding, I at least can put my head down on the pillow tonight with no regrets.

Exactly as I do, night after night after night.

Thank you for taking the time to read these words and Happy Mother’s Day to all,
gb

P.S. The picture posted is of me, my mom and my dog Chuckles. But I was still marinating inside of her belly.

Get Oprah’s favorite book of all time here (although, as of today, she’s unaware of this fact):
Love Looks Like This

20160509-001444.jpg

Lets Do The Time Warp…Again

It’s 10:52 PM on a Saturday night and an old man is sitting all alone at Starbucks and it’s breaking my heart.

But then again, it’s 10:52 PM on a Saturday night and here I sit, all alone as well.

I’m pretty okay though.

And I hope he is too.

Maybe he’s me in the future?

If so, I hope there’s someone, somewhere, who truly loves him.

this is what your mom wants for Mother’s Day (she called me last night and told me):
Love Looks Like This

20160503-180914.jpg

Stop What You’re Doing For A Sec And Read This…Now 

Hey you..
Normally I’d say: you are loved. 
But today I’m removing the “d” and saying: you are love. 
You are love. 
Yes, you. 
I’m speaking directly to you. 
You are love. 
Everything else is a story. 
And not a good one. 
So, let it go and trust me on this. 
Please. 
You are love. 
Thank you.  

 

Post Navigation