To All The Jews I’ve Loved Before
Dear New IPhone,
Yes, you rock.
But if you really want to impress me out of my pants, step up your technology to this –
“Hey Siri, text every Jew in my phone: Happy Passover!”
There’s just too many of them in there. And I don’t have the time or patience to go one by one.
And if I send a group text, even with a P.S. of, “Please don’t respond to this group text. Text me back separately,” I’ll invariably get a message from one of my hoodlum friends like,
“Hey fuckface! How are your balls?”
And my ninety year old aunt Mollie, in Boca Raton doesn’t need to see that.
However, just in case you’re interested Mollie, they’re just fine.
Happy Passover everyone!
And to all a goodnight.