OMGabe

by Gabe Berman – the author of Live Like a Fruit Fly

Archive for the month “July, 2014”

Hustle & Luck

College, for the most part, is a scam.

I’m not saying I regret going, nor would I advise anyone who can go, not to.

But I’m sitting near a gaggle of parents who have college aged kids and they’re falling over themselves to quote the US News & World Report issue that ranks universities and grad schools.

“Well, Villanova has a great liberal arts program but Binghamton is ranked twelfth in whatever whatever.”

I got news for you parents, Harvard or Hofstra, your precious princes and princesses are going to get drunk, stoned, and hopefully, fuck.

Often.

End of story.

College is a scam.

Employers, for the most part, couldn’t give a shit about the insignificant decisions of eighteen year olds who listen to Katy Perry.

Getting a good job after college is dependent on what everything else in life is dependent on. It’s all about a little hustle and a lot of luck.

The universe will unfold as it will and there are unseen forces at work which transcend the best laid plans of mice and men.


In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

20140728-172314.jpg

Advertisements

WARNING: F-bomb Dropped Below

If you want to cover me in an avalanche of an anxiety, tell me the summer is ending before it actually is.

And like clockwork, my goddamn grandma has been spewing this rhetoric since mid June.

“Why isn’t my air conditioning working well? Did you touch the buttons?” she accusatorially asks.

“Maybe because all your windows are wide open and the entire sweltering universe is now in your apartment,” I say as innocently as I can.

“It’s probably broken. It doesn’t matter, the summer is almost over,” she relents.

My grandma is proof that those new-agey people are full of shit when they say that your life is a product of your thoughts. Because she’s the most negative person in the tri-state area and if that crap were true, she’d be toast a long time ago.

But she’s ninety-three and still going strong. With her cigarettes, garlic breath and guilt.

On the way to see her today, where I invariably had to explain why I’m a vegetarian for the billionth time, I saw kids on the side of the street selling lemonade.

I pulled over for a quickie down the hatch.

They weren’t charging anything but instead were accepting donations to help fight a horrible childhood disease that took two young kids in their family.

I gave them a couple of bucks and then to make them laugh I said, “Do you guys have any pizza to wash this lemonade down with?”

I really just don’t get how people choose to be negative. About anything. Ever.

And I’m not talking about being happy, because happy is hard when you have deep empathy for those who suffer. What I’m talking about is the incessant judgement, complaining and criticism which has become as commonplace in our culture as, I don’t know, cancer.

Perhaps that’s the link – bad vibes and cancer. But not individual bad vibes per se, but collective ones. And these bad vibes collect into invisible, condensed clouds and pass over each home like the biblical angel of death. And obviously, perhaps, some people are more vulnerable than others.

Which would explain why my grandma, who says stuff like, “It’s a sin to grow old,” has enough energy to fight in the UFC while those little redheads at the lemonade stand had to go to their cousin’s funerals.

Who knows if there’s a link or not, right?

All I know, for sure, is that the constant barrage of bad vibes isn’t helping anyone.

And there are plenty who need help.

So, if you’re lucky enough not to be one of those poor souls who need help, please, for the common good, shut the fuck up already with your negativity.

“Am I bugging you? I don’t mean to bug you, but I’m bugged.” – Bono

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

Vote For Me

If I ran this universe, you’d get a free pass from cancer if you walked out of Auschwitz on your own two feet.

However, I don’t, and my friend’s eighty-nine year old father got diagnosed with kidney cancer today.

He initially refused treatment but my friend said to him, “You survived the Holocaust, you can’t give up now.”

This conversation wouldn’t have even been possible if I ran this universe. Because there’d be no such thing as cancer. And there sure as hell wouldn’t have been a Holocaust.

But, I don’t run the universe. I’m only its messenger.

And my message is always the same: choose kindness.

Life, obviously, can be difficult as it is without adding to it.

But I’m probably preaching to the choir. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that kindness to others is already your religion.

So, here’s my next message: look for ways to be more kind to yourself.

Trust me, seek and you shall find.

And I swear to god, you deserve it.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

20140717-012055.jpg

Homeostasis

I think I might be mutating.

Genetically mutating.

I found a pulse near my ankle today. Like the one in your wrist, but next to my foot.

Is that normal?

I don’t know, maybe it’s normal.

I was sitting with a friend at Starbucks. My legs were crossed and I rested my hand near my ankle. I felt a pulse there. An unrelenting, steady pulse.

My friend talked about her life. I listened intently, silently reflected, and all the while, my pulse pulsed on.

Isn’t it remarkable that our bodies actually function? I mean holy fuck man, they just do their thing. Regardless of our hopes, fears, conquests and failures, your cells turn sugar into energy, your heart beats, and you breathe, even when sleeping mind you.

All of this without your expressed written consent. Completely on autopilot for your convenience.

Do you understand how amazing this is? We’re not plugged into the wall. We don’t have batteries. There are no strings attached and life, on its own, just keeps on living through us.

Until one day, it no longer does.

And this is why you have to give the finger, religiously, to all naysayers.

This is why you have to follow your gut. 


This is why you have to be kind.

This is why you have to stop, right now, and breathe in the sweet summer air.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

20140708-012025.jpg

One Foot After The Other


My dad died two Decembers ago.

And I moved back home eleven months before that to be with him while he was sick.

I’m often asked variations of, “So what are you doing with yourself now?”

I used to say, “I’m writing a little. Thinking about starting a new book maybe.”

But that question is mostly asked by people who don’t read my books.

And that’s just about everybody.

Close friends and family included.

And I know not to say, “Well, today I kicked over the sharp edged shells while walking on the beach so little kids or joggers don’t hurt their feet on them.”

Although it is, in fact, what I did today, no one would register with that response and it would only lead to more questions I couldn’t or wouldn’t answer satisfactorily.

So, when I was asked earlier I simply said, “I’m just existing for now. We’ll see what happens next.”

The woman took a contemplative sip of her drink and said, “I wish I could just exist for awhile too.”

And now that I’ve added the previous 174 words to the world while sitting on these rocks, everything seems to have clicked back in place and my mind is once again at ease.

Thank you.

20140705-200240-72160544.jpg

There’s No Meaning In The Meaning Of This

“I am almost out of words.
Soon I will exhale only ellipses…” – gb

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

20140702-205521.jpg

Jay Z and Beyonce Breaking Up?

“If I feel good, just one day a week, I’m happy and grateful.”

My mom volunteers at a Parkinson’s group and this is what one of her patients said to her this morning.

I think it’s officially time for us to start being a bit more grateful before something horrible happens.

Actually, I don’t think. I know.

You can trust me, implicitly, when I tell you that you really have no idea what you have until you lose it.

Seize this day. As gratefully as you can.

Thank you.

(What about Jay Z and Beyonce? Exactly, what about them. But how else could I have gotten you to click on this link? Life is passing by at Mach million. So, live your own life and stop caring so much about what everyone else is doing or thinking. Sorry for the tom foolery, but we’re literally running out of time. Thankfully, it’s not too late if we start now).

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

20140701-155009.jpg

Post Navigation