If you want to cover me in an avalanche of an anxiety, tell me the summer is ending before it actually is.
And like clockwork, my goddamn grandma has been spewing this rhetoric since mid June.
“Why isn’t my air conditioning working well? Did you touch the buttons?” she accusatorially asks.
“Maybe because all your windows are wide open and the entire sweltering universe is now in your apartment,” I say as innocently as I can.
“It’s probably broken. It doesn’t matter, the summer is almost over,” she relents.
My grandma is proof that those new-agey people are full of shit when they say that your life is a product of your thoughts. Because she’s the most negative person in the tri-state area and if that crap were true, she’d be toast a long time ago.
But she’s ninety-three and still going strong. With her cigarettes, garlic breath and guilt.
On the way to see her today, where I invariably had to explain why I’m a vegetarian for the billionth time, I saw kids on the side of the street selling lemonade.
I pulled over for a quickie down the hatch.
They weren’t charging anything but instead were accepting donations to help fight a horrible childhood disease that took two young kids in their family.
I gave them a couple of bucks and then to make them laugh I said, “Do you guys have any pizza to wash this lemonade down with?”
I really just don’t get how people choose to be negative. About anything. Ever.
And I’m not talking about being happy, because happy is hard when you have deep empathy for those who suffer. What I’m talking about is the incessant judgement, complaining and criticism which has become as commonplace in our culture as, I don’t know, cancer.
Perhaps that’s the link – bad vibes and cancer. But not individual bad vibes per se, but collective ones. And these bad vibes collect into invisible, condensed clouds and pass over each home like the biblical angel of death. And obviously, perhaps, some people are more vulnerable than others.
Which would explain why my grandma, who says stuff like, “It’s a sin to grow old,” has enough energy to fight in the UFC while those little redheads at the lemonade stand had to go to their cousin’s funerals.
Who knows if there’s a link or not, right?
All I know, for sure, is that the constant barrage of bad vibes isn’t helping anyone.
And there are plenty who need help.
So, if you’re lucky enough not to be one of those poor souls who need help, please, for the common good, shut the fuck up already with your negativity.
“Am I bugging you? I don’t mean to bug you, but I’m bugged.” – Bono
“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success