We came to the end of god.
With just one eye open, I typed those words into my phone.
I didn’t want to forget the dream I just awoke from, so I rushed to write it all down while it was still imprinted in my memory like a movie.
I was driving in Los Angeles. My dad was in the passenger seat.
Using only the corners of my eyes, I looked for the cylindrical Capital Records building so I could point it out to my dad. I was only relying on peripheral vision to spot it because I wouldn’t dare take my eyes off the road for a second with my dad in the car. He would make me so nervous while driving and it obviously carried over into the dream world.
We were trying to find mom who arrived earlier in the day. I thought I saw her in a car ahead of us but we couldn’t catch up.
The road ended and we came to an old hotel. I tried but couldn’t figure out how to turn the car around in order to keep searching for my mom.
I woke up, grabbed my phone and typed, “We came to the end of god.”
Although I meant to type, “We came to the end of the road,” but my iPhone autocorrected me.
Does that mean anything? Is it a sign from the universe?
And why Los Angeles? The City of Angels maybe?
Is it possible that my dad and I were looking for my mom because lately she’s been more attached to her friends than she’s been to her family?
Do dreams mean anything at all?
Is there meaning in anything other than what we assign to it?
Check this out: Pandora just started playing Ravi Shankar on my iPad. Not only did my dad love him and actually see him play live once, he died on the exactly same day my dad did.
What the fuck man? What am I supposed to make of that?
Two days ago, my friend’s sister-in-law committed suicide. Through tons of tears, my friend went on a hunt for clues to find out why.
That night, she had a dream that she was using a metal detector but the sounds were too high-pitched for her to hear and this made it impossible to uncover anything.
I said, “It means that there are some mysteries we are unintended to unravel.”
That sounded good, right? But the truth is, who the hell knows what her dream meant. If, anything at all.
Maybe everything, including our “reality”, is just a projection of our thoughts about it.
But where do our thoughts come from?
Certainly not from ourselves at times.
So, where does this leave us?
Nowhere, except right where we are right now.
I’m typing to you, you’re reading these words, and then we’ll have to choose what happens next.
But actually, we don’t choose what happens next. Things just seem to happen and we can choose our frames of mind as their happening.
But that’s not even true. Sometimes we just feel what we’re feeling and have very little control of that either.
So, since I can, I’m just going to sit here. And smile. And breathe. And enjoy my coffee. With Ravi, thoughts of my dad, and the tree I can see through the kitchen window.
What are you going to do?
“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success