OMGabe

by Gabe Berman – the author of Live Like a Fruit Fly

Archive for the month “June, 2012”

A Letter To Why-We’re-Totally-Fucked

Dear WWTF,

After watching an episode of Deadliest Catch, I completely understand you now.

One of the deckhands just looked right into the camera and jubilantly squealed, “Money money money money MONEY!”

Moments before, he slammed crabs against a metal chute and stepped all over them with no regard. As if they were plastic, lifeless toys for children. As if they weren’t God’s creatures.

And this is just one snapshot that can be extrapolated out to most of humanity.

We care about one thing. And that’s ourselves.

But here’s what’s funny: we then have the gall to question why horrible things happen to us.

Isn’t it obvious? If we have no regard for life, life will have no regard for us. It’s very simple.

Your karmic brother,
gabe

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“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful,worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” ~Deepak Chopra

Click here now—>Amazon or B&N to order Live Like A Fruit Fly – The Secret You Already Know

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A Letter To The Beatles

Dear George, Ringo, Paul & John,

I’m adding two words to “All You Need Is Love”.

Ready boys?

All you need is to give love.

Although I dig the original version of your song, it sounds as if you’re saying as long as love is in the air, everything will be cool in the gang.

True, but this love has to come from somewhere. Hence the lyric change.

Where should it come from? From you. From me. From all of us.

If everyone dedicated themselves to giving love, everyone would receive love, and our world will live as one. In peace.

You may say I’m a dreamer but I’m not the only one,
gabe

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“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful,worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” ~Deepak Chopra

Click here now—>Amazon or B&N to order Live Like A Fruit Fly – The Secret You Already Know

A Thank You Letter To LeBron James

Dear LeBron,

You’re the MVP of the NBA finals.

Congrats…but that’s not the point of this letter.

I’m thanking you for being a vessel of the divine message.

Minutes after The Miami Heat won the championship, you were asked how you were able to switch your mindset after the previous year’s disappointing performance. Channeling metaphysical masters of the past, you eloquently answered, “I just went back to the basics. I knew what got me to this point and that’s hard work and dedication. And I never had to prove anything to anyone, you know in my first seven years, I just went out there and let the game take care of itself. And last year I tried to prove something to everybody – and I played with a lot of hate and that’s not how I play the game of basketball. I play it with a lot of love and a lot of passion and that’s what I got back to this year.”

Work hard. Be dedicated. And then surrender to the flow of the present moment.

Hate is a product of the Ego. Love and passion are from the authentic Soul.

Thank you for this beautiful reminder.

With love and gratitude,
gabe

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“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful,worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” ~Deepak Chopra

Click here now—>Amazon or B&N to order Live Like A Fruit Fly – The Secret You Already Know

A Letter To Those Damn Snow Monkeys

Dear Snow Monkeys,

You goddamn little bastards.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

Not only do you have those irresistible helmet heads, but you also come equipped with those formfitting snowsuits which makes me want to hug you until you pop like water balloons.

And get this, your babies actually have the nerve to make and then play with snowballs.

Little monkey faces making snowballs? Snowballs? Are you fucking kidding me man?

I need at least ninety of you. There’s just no other way around it.

The revolution will not be televised,
gabe

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“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful,worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” ~Deepak Chopra

Click here now—>Amazon or B&N to order Live Like A Fruit Fly – The Secret You Already Know

A Letter To The Adjustment Bureau

Dear Adjustment Bureau,

I have to apologize.

Although I say this about every movie I love, you really are my favorite. Sorry I didn’t set it in stone earlier.

In my defense however, I didn’t realize this until I caught you on cable today as I was working out. But you floored me once again. Maybe even more so than the first time I saw you in the theatre.

And not only have you been promoted to the top slot, the cosmic consciousness conspired to bring you to me in the nick of time. Just when I needed you the most.

Your closing lines hit me like a thunderbolt and I appreciate them from the bottom of every cell in my existence. “Most people live life on the path we set for them, too afraid to explore any other. But once in a while people like you come along who knock down all the obstacles we put in your way. People who realize freewill is a gift that you’ll never know how to use until you fight for it. I think that’s the chairman’s real plan. That maybe one day, we won’t write the plan, you will.”

With love and gratitude,
gabe

“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful,worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” ~Deepak Chopra

Click here now—>Amazon or B&N to order Live Like A Fruit Fly – The Secret You Already Know

A Letter To My Perfect Petite Pussy

This week’s guest, the brilliant Eden Baylee, wrote a piece that’s fun for the whole family.

Dear My Perfect Petite Pussy,

My first memory of you was when I was eight years old.

I hid with you in bed under the covers. You felt warm, and your soft fur tickled my fingertips. That first week of discovery was awkward, as I didn’t know exactly what to do. In time, I learned you enjoyed being gently caressed. On the occasions when you let me know you wanted more, I gave you short, quick strokes. The one time I rubbed you a bit too hard, you convulsed and spit up over my hand. What a shock that was! I remembered holding you, afraid someone would discover what I’d done. It took a little while to calm you down, but eventually I fell asleep and you seemed much better in the morning.

When Mom found out about you, I had to come clean. I showed her how sweet and cuddly you were and begged her to let me keep you.

Once she saw your beauty, she agreed you could stay under two conditions—I had to take care of you, and I had to give you a good name.

I’m much older now, but not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. In my heart, you will always be my Perfect Petite Pussy.

(Eden Baylee writes literary erotica and enjoys adding twists and humor to her stories. And now that you have a crush on her, connect with her via her Website, on Twitter @edenbaylee, and on Facebook)

A Letter To Adam Sandler

Dear Adam,

I just watched you on Letterman.

Let me start off by saying that I love when you talk about your mom because I know her fairly well. She’s so laid back, so sweet and so remarkably normal (I use to bartend at a country club in Boca Raton and she has a few friends there – don’t worry, she only drank iced tea).

Now for the point of this letter: I know you’re talented but you’re still just a regular guy. And your success reminds other regular guys, like myself, to keep on pushing until we make it as well.

I know you were “discovered”, but it never would have happened if you gave up before you got there.

So thank you,
gabe

“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful,worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” ~Deepak Chopra

Click here now—>Amazon or B&N to order Live Like A Fruit Fly – The Secret You Already Know

A Letter To The Spirit Of Malcolm X

Dear Malcolm,

The little I know about you, I learned from reading Mohammed Ali’s autobiography and from Spike’s movie which I caught on cable yesterday.

But it doesn’t take a historian to recognize that we’ve come a long way since your murder. And on the other hand, it doesn’t take a soothsayer to see we have at least that far to go.

President Obama’s administration created 77,000 new jobs last month and the mass media had him painted as a complete failure by day’s end. As if our president didn’t adopt this financial mess from good ol’ Dubya.

And you know as well as I do brother, if it had been 770,000 jobs, they would have found a loophole to justify the withholding of credit he’d certainly deserve.

Obviously, it isn’t only racism. It’s the classic class war. The haves vs. the have-nots.

I’m definitely discouraged, but not defeated.

Why?

Because good prevails. Always.

As Sam Cooke sang, “It’s been a long, long time coming, but a change gonna come, oh yes it will.”

And as you said, “If we don’t stand for something, we may fall for anything.”

And I stand for peace.

As-Salamu Alaykum (peace be upon you),
gabe

“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful,worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” ~Deepak Chopra

Click here now—>Amazon or B&N to order Live Like A Fruit Fly – The Secret You Already Know

A Letter To My Almost Lover

(I made the near fatal mistake of asking Loren Kleinman to guest blog here on OMGabe and she was kind enough to whip something up. Why a mistake? Because her work proves that I have no business writing at all. She’s so talented I can’t take it.)

Dear My Almost Lover,

I want to tell you that in those long spaces between the moments that we live our lives that your heart breaks into thousands of small kisses all over my body—crumbled over a thousand miles of love.

In the night I listen to the sound of your (almost) breath. In the night I listen to the sounds of your laugh. I want you. I want your body soaked in love on top of mine. I want to ride upon you like water rides on your back when you are in the shower alone, crying, and scared of all the small reminders of your life. Let’s not wait anymore. I am here in the slow moving distracted mind of your hands.

Oh what a day. It is all about believing. Even in the darkest seconds of your reality—it is all about believing. All is well. Don’t worry. I will wait. I will keep the world on ice. I will wait to walk my mouth between your thighs. I will wait for the air to be still and silent. It is all about believing. Again. It is all about believing you are deserving of love—there is no right time.

When I left the bar last night I imagined you were waiting for me at home. I began to walk faster and faster to my car. I pulled into the driveway and ran up the stairs. I pushed open the door and ran to the couch where you were sitting. I kissed you. We made love and I fell asleep in the bend of your body.

Oh what a day.

Even landings can be sweet.

I wanted to tell you that I feel you in my slow awakening. I thought of you moving against me, barely sleeping holding onto the last lastness of your deep emotional shit. And words spin around you (they just don’t mean much).

I didn’t want to tell you that I watch the “stars moving outside my windowsill, and I was standing still” as The Weepies sing The World Spins Madly On.

The world spins madly—despite all the seeds you leave along the way. Despite all the ways you talk about talking. The world spins on and on. It will bring you back to the place where you started. The way it was as before.

Where do we go from here?

Too many questions.

So, hurry up and love me.

In the open road of our heart, in the shotgun of our suicide, we will work out our differences, all our insecurities. We will become visitors to our own images,
and we will be sick and vomit up the dead hearts in our veins, and forgive each other. We will be reborn in the bend of each other’s hands and we will be fertile and new, and there will be nothing left to talk about but love.

Lo

Loren Kleinman (LK) is the owner and founder of LK Editorial (www.LKeditorial.com). We are a team of copywriters, web content writers, marketing and corporate copywriters, resume writers, book and dissertation editors, video editors and social media strategists. We believe that collaboration is where the good stuff happens. We can assist you with copyediting, promotional copywriting, ghostwriting, proofreading, social media strategy, book trailers and more.

(On second thought, I’ll keep writing. “If you hear a voice inside you say, ‘You cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent van Gogh)

“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful,worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” ~Deepak Chopra

Click here now—>Amazon or B&N to order Live Like A Fruit Fly – The Secret You Already Know

A Letter To Stephen Hawking

Dear Professor Hawking,

Wait, you’re British?

I’m sitting here watching your Grand Design show and you mentioned what it was like growing up as a boy in England. And this whole time I thought you were American like me.

Anyway, you claim to have “proved” there isn’t a god because, according to you, time didn’t exist before the Big Bang. And, according to you, nothing, not even God, could exist before time. So therefore, the Big Bang occurred with no First Cause and God is simply our invention.

That lines up nice and neatly. It surely makes sense. But aren’t you overlooking a glaringly obvious possibility?

I’ll grant you that nothing outside of the Big Bang caused the Big Bang, but what if what caused it, is it? In other words, God is what exploded to create the vast universe. Which would explain why we’re all connected (because we are).

But still, maybe you’re right and I’m wrong. Or maybe we’re both right. Or both wrong.

Regardless, I love what you said at the end of the show, “We have but this one life to enjoy the grand design of the universe and for that, I am extremely grateful.”

Actually, I love what that computerized voice said for you, but seriously man, it should at least have a robotic sounding British accent.

I hope you’re feeling decently well,
gabe

“In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful,worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” ~Deepak Chopra

Click here now—>Amazon or B&N to order Live Like A Fruit Fly – The Secret You Already Know

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