OMGabe

by Gabe Berman – the author of Live Like a Fruit Fly

WARNING: F-bomb Dropped Below

If you want to cover me in an avalanche of an anxiety, tell me the summer is ending before it actually is.

And like clockwork, my goddamn grandma has been spewing this rhetoric since mid June.

“Why isn’t my air conditioning working well? Did you touch the buttons?” she accusatorially asks.

“Maybe because all your windows are wide open and the entire sweltering universe is now in your apartment,” I say as innocently as I can.

“It’s probably broken. It doesn’t matter, the summer is almost over,” she relents.

My grandma is proof that those new-agey people are full of shit when they say that your life is a product of your thoughts. Because she’s the most negative person in the tri-state area and if that crap were true, she’d be toast a long time ago.

But she’s ninety-three and still going strong. With her cigarettes, garlic breath and guilt.

On the way to see her today, where I invariably had to explain why I’m a vegetarian for the billionth time, I saw kids on the side of the street selling lemonade.

I pulled over for a quickie down the hatch.

They weren’t charging anything but instead were accepting donations to help fight a horrible childhood disease that took two young kids in their family.

I gave them a couple of bucks and then to make them laugh I said, “Do you guys have any pizza to wash this lemonade down with?”

I really just don’t get how people choose to be negative. About anything. Ever.

And I’m not talking about being happy, because happy is hard when you have deep empathy for those who suffer. What I’m talking about is the incessant judgement, complaining and criticism which has become as commonplace in our culture as, I don’t know, cancer.

Perhaps that’s the link – bad vibes and cancer. But not individual bad vibes per se, but collective ones. And these bad vibes collect into invisible, condensed clouds and pass over each home like the biblical angel of death. And obviously, perhaps, some people are more vulnerable than others.

Which would explain why my grandma, who says stuff like, “It’s a sin to grow old,” has enough energy to fight in the UFC while those little redheads at the lemonade stand had to go to their cousin’s funerals.

Who knows if there’s a link or not, right?

All I know, for sure, is that the constant barrage of bad vibes isn’t helping anyone.

And there are plenty who need help.

So, if you’re lucky enough not to be one of those poor souls who need help, please, for the common good, shut the fuck up already with your negativity.

“Am I bugging you? I don’t mean to bug you, but I’m bugged.” – Bono

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

Vote For Me

If I ran this universe, you’d get a free pass from cancer if you walked out of Auschwitz on your own two feet.

However, I don’t, and my friend’s eighty-nine year old father got diagnosed with kidney cancer today.

He initially refused treatment but my friend said to him, “You survived the Holocaust, you can’t give up now.”

This conversation wouldn’t have even been possible if I ran this universe. Because there’d be no such thing as cancer. And there sure as hell wouldn’t have been a Holocaust.

But, I don’t run the universe. I’m only its messenger.

And my message is always the same: choose kindness.

Life, obviously, can be difficult as it is without adding to it.

But I’m probably preaching to the choir. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that kindness to others is already your religion.

So, here’s my next message: look for ways to be more kind to yourself.

Trust me, seek and you shall find.

And I swear to god, you deserve it.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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Homeostasis

I think I might be mutating.

Genetically mutating.

I found a pulse near my ankle today. Like the one in your wrist, but next to my foot.

Is that normal?

I don’t know, maybe it’s normal.

I was sitting with a friend at Starbucks. My legs were crossed and I rested my hand near my ankle. I felt a pulse there. An unrelenting, steady pulse.

My friend talked about her life. I listened intently, silently reflected, and all the while, my pulse pulsed on.

Isn’t it remarkable that our bodies actually function? I mean holy fuck man, they just do their thing. Regardless of our hopes, fears, conquests and failures, your cells turn sugar into energy, your heart beats, and you breathe, even when sleeping mind you.

All of this without your expressed written consent. Completely on autopilot for your convenience.

Do you understand how amazing this is? We’re not plugged into the wall. We don’t have batteries. There are no strings attached and life, on its own, just keeps on living through us.

Until one day, it no longer does.

And this is why you have to give the finger, religiously, to all naysayers.

This is why you have to follow your gut. 


This is why you have to be kind.

This is why you have to stop, right now, and breathe in the sweet summer air.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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One Foot After The Other


My dad died two Decembers ago.

And I moved back home eleven months before that to be with him while he was sick.

I’m often asked variations of, “So what are you doing with yourself now?”

I used to say, “I’m writing a little. Thinking about starting a new book maybe.”

But that question is mostly asked by people who don’t read my books.

And that’s just about everybody.

Close friends and family included.

And I know not to say, “Well, today I kicked over the sharp edged shells while walking on the beach so little kids or joggers don’t hurt their feet on them.”

Although it is, in fact, what I did today, no one would register with that response and it would only lead to more questions I couldn’t or wouldn’t answer satisfactorily.

So, when I was asked earlier I simply said, “I’m just existing for now. We’ll see what happens next.”

The woman took a contemplative sip of her drink and said, “I wish I could just exist for awhile too.”

And now that I’ve added the previous 174 words to the world while sitting on these rocks, everything seems to have clicked back in place and my mind is once again at ease.

Thank you.

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There’s No Meaning In The Meaning Of This

“I am almost out of words.
Soon I will exhale only ellipses…” – gb

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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Jay Z and Beyonce Breaking Up?

“If I feel good, just one day a week, I’m happy and grateful.”

My mom volunteers at a Parkinson’s group and this is what one of her patients said to her this morning.

I think it’s officially time for us to start being a bit more grateful before something horrible happens.

Actually, I don’t think. I know.

You can trust me, implicitly, when I tell you that you really have no idea what you have until you lose it.

Seize this day. As gratefully as you can.

Thank you.

(What about Jay Z and Beyonce? Exactly, what about them. But how else could I have gotten you to click on this link? Life is passing by at Mach million. So, live your own life and stop caring so much about what everyone else is doing or thinking. Sorry for the tom foolery, but we’re literally running out of time. Thankfully, it’s not too late if we start now).

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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Pulling The Strings

I became aware of how unaware I can be when I noticed a spoonful of smoldering oatmeal in front of my face this morning.

There it was, almost levitating, completely catching me off guard.

And there I was, blowing on it, attempting to cool it off. My arm, hand and mouth, completely on autopilot.

How was this happening?

Appropriately enough, I was in the middle of reading a book by Sam Harris entitled Free Will.

He doesn’t think we have any. And that’s just stupid, right?

I pulled the book off of the shelf at the bookstore, just to see how stupid this best selling author really is, and I swear, he had me flipped by the second page.

Of course we can choose between the choices in our head, but where do those choices even originate from? Neurochemistry? The Universe? God? All of the above? None of the above?

And what about this: I didn’t even intend to look at this book. As I was walking through the philosophy section, I noticed my shoe was untied so I bent down to remedy the situation. As I stood up, I noticed Sam Harris’ book and here we are.

Was it all coincidence? Serendipity? Divine intervention or dumb luck?

I stopped thinking about all of this when my mom walked into the kitchen to show me the cranberry colored sun hat she just brought home from Marshalls.

“Daddy would have loved it,” I said.

“He really liked me in hats,” she answered.

And then she went to her room. Maybe she continued to think about him. Maybe she returned to la-la land.

By the way, if you’re assuming I’m going to somehow tie all of this together by the end of this piece, I’ve got news for you kiddo, it’s probably not going to happen. I’m just writing this right now because I know I have to. It’s the choice I’m making between the choices of not doing so and doing so. So, if you want to stop reading right this second, be my guest. It’s a safe bet that you’re not going to miss anything good.

Without knowing I was going to write about it today, I posted this Shakespeare quote on Facebook yesterday:

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts…”

Is it possible that each of us, composed of 100 trillion cells, exists just so the Universe can express itself in the most mysterious of ways?

Yes.

Not only is it possible, I think it’s highly probable.

And if that’s the case, all I can say is this: I’m goddamn grateful I’m me.

I’m goddamn grateful I’m me and not the lunatic I was talking to the other day at Starbucks. He’s a nice enough guy, not at all malicious, but relentlessly repetitive and it takes an amazing amount of willpower not to cut him off and say, “Dude, c’mon man. Give it a rest. I’m just trying to sit here, listen to a little music and enjoy my coffee.”

But I force myself to remember that, unlike you and me, his head isn’t going to give him a choice between shutting the fuck up and not shutting the fuck up. Apparently, like it or not, it’s verbal Pompeii.

Doesn’t it seem like the universe has a mind of it’s own?

This morning, after talking about the hat, my mom came back into the kitchen to tell me about her friend who needs surgery. His eyelashes, out of nowhere, have decided to point backwards and are now growing into his eyes.

Later in the day, as I was sauntering along the Long Beach boardwalk, I stopped to watch hotel employees setting up chairs on the beach for a wedding. And, at the exact same moment, somewhere in Michigan, my friend was at her best friend’s house, because her best friend’s brother hung himself this morning.

Maybe the choices everyone was given in all of these scenarios, and the choices made from those choices, lead to their outcomes. 



Who the hell knows really. 


I’m just grateful I always have the choice to be kind and I am grateful that I usually choose kindness over anything else.

Maybe the choice of constant kindness hasn’t been available to you.

Until now.

And now that it has, what are you going to do with it?

If you’re still here reading, thank you. The universe thanks you.

Together, we shall see how it all unfolds next.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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What Do You Want To Do With Your Life?

Point a gun to my belly and ask me what I really want to do with the rest of my life and I’d honestly say:

Beauty.

I’d love nothing more than to dedicate my entire existence to it.

To be completely committed to blocking out anything other than what’s beautiful.

Being in absolute awe of it. Always.

All ways.

And, just as importantly, or maybe even more so, to add as much beauty to this world of ours as I can. Right on up until my last breath.

I just want to write love poems all day.

I want to look in the eyes of all who are suffering and tell them that I’m with them. And that I’ll never leave them alone. Even if I can’t always be there. And, that I see no other outcome then the miraculous.

I want to stand in warm breezes radiating gratefulness.

Laugh with my sister until my ribs rupture.

Hug strangers who look like they can use one.

Bring water to thirsty dogs.

Fall in love with myself. I mean, really fall in love with myself and then literally sense myself in everyone. Without exception.

I want to wake up smiling.

I just want to wake up smiling, without worrying about money.

I just want to wake up smiling, without wasting another day waiting for my life to start.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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June 14 2014

As of twenty-three minutes ago, my dad would have been seventy-two years old.

If he was still around, I’d probably open my eyes widely in his direction and instigate a bit with, “Seventy-two, huh?”

But per usual, he wouldn’t take the bait. He’d just smile and shake his head at me.

“It’s better than the alternative,” was his famous line when people complained about getting older on their birthdays.

A few nights ago, I watched up to the part when Michael confronts Apollonia’s father in GF1 (the original Godfather). Alone in the dark, I cried until I was out of tears.

Like most father and son teams, this was our movie. If we found it on TV while clicking through the channels, control of the remote control would be relinquished and it would remain untouched until the closing credits.

And now here I sit at the kitchen table, in his seat, listening to his favorite song Take Five by Dave Brubeck, in efforts to somehow…I don’t know…invoke the spirits maybe to give me a meaningful message.

But the truth is, the spirits revealed their message before I even knew to ask them to tonight.

While mindlessly making a cup of tea before starting to write, I noticed these words printed on the tab of the teabag: The purpose of life is to enjoy every moment.

The purpose
of life
is to enjoy
every moment.

I think I can feel my dad agreeing from the other side.

With that said, remember to be loving to your loved ones. Even if they make it really hard for you to do so.

They sometimes leave you faster than you’d ever imagine.

Happy Birthday Dad.

I love you and miss you immeasurably.

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Everything You Need To Know About Me

I don’t know about wine.

I don’t know my way around Manhattan.

I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life.

All I know is that I currently reside on a spherical rock which rotates on its axis at 1,000 miles per hour while it revolves around a massive fireball at 67,000 miles per hour.

And that’s more than enough for me right now.

That, and music.

In Live Like a Fruit Fly, Gabe Berman shares his recipe for living a more joyful, worthwhile, and abundant life in every way. A witty, entertaining, and insightful read.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

www.LiveLikeAFruitFly.com

www.WeightLossCoffeeMiracle.com

www.WhereIsGodWhenOurLovedOnesGetSick.com

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